Fears.

On PostSecret today, one of the secrets post cards was one talking about how a person wrote down their fears and realized they didn’t have as many as they thought.  I felt a little inspired by this… and reflective.

So my fears includes:

• Wasps.
• Doctors.  More of the idea of what they could diagnose you with… illness and disease and the like.
• Failure and all that accompanies it.
• Not getting my independance and freedom
• Confrontation
• Getting hurt, in all senses of the word.
• Disappointing people.
• Losing my sense of me.
• Drowning.

• -…This is an odd one because it’s not for the reason a person would think of.  I’m afraid of my wedding…whenever that happens as it’s likely not to be for awhile.  The reason being I have a fucked up family.  Not as fucked as some… but fucked nonetheless… and not in the fucked I like.   My parents had a brutal, shitty divorce and they still act like children.  There’s been a fair amount of times where I’ve realized I’m the most mature out of them all. Anyways… I’m always afraid of what will happen when they get together. It’ll be hell to deal with it and I’m sick of the shit I put up with.  And even then there’s no fucking guarantee it’ll go smoothly. I mean yes…. it’ll be in a really long time… but unfortunately I keep thinking about it.
• Making a mistake
• Getting pregnant
• Losing family and the people I’m closest to… in both the idea of someone dying and just falling out with them…

I’m so apprehensive and cautious sometimes. I worry that I worry too much… or too little.

This is a little different from what I originally made this blog about but that’s okay.