Back Action?!

I discovered something today.  Kisses down my back feel absolutely fantastic.  Is that weird?  I mean… I ‘ve never really had it done to me but seriously… felt awesome.  Just like kisses on the neck…with more space.  Being kissed on the neck… huge erogenous zone for me. I’m practically melted just from that.  But seriously… I was very surprised how nice it was.  My bf thought it was weird when I told him to kiss me down my back again…. of course being the overly apolgetic person that I am I apologized for it.  My stance on bedroom behaviour is whatever makes you feel good, go for it… except for rape and pedophilia of course…. criminal offenses usually are not good things.  Anyways.. I was amused by it… and continue to be

Fears.

On PostSecret today, one of the secrets post cards was one talking about how a person wrote down their fears and realized they didn’t have as many as they thought.  I felt a little inspired by this… and reflective.

So my fears includes:

• Wasps.
• Doctors.  More of the idea of what they could diagnose you with… illness and disease and the like.
• Failure and all that accompanies it.
• Not getting my independance and freedom
• Confrontation
• Getting hurt, in all senses of the word.
• Disappointing people.
• Losing my sense of me.
• Drowning.

• -…This is an odd one because it’s not for the reason a person would think of.  I’m afraid of my wedding…whenever that happens as it’s likely not to be for awhile.  The reason being I have a fucked up family.  Not as fucked as some… but fucked nonetheless… and not in the fucked I like.   My parents had a brutal, shitty divorce and they still act like children.  There’s been a fair amount of times where I’ve realized I’m the most mature out of them all. Anyways… I’m always afraid of what will happen when they get together. It’ll be hell to deal with it and I’m sick of the shit I put up with.  And even then there’s no fucking guarantee it’ll go smoothly. I mean yes…. it’ll be in a really long time… but unfortunately I keep thinking about it.
• Making a mistake
• Getting pregnant
• Losing family and the people I’m closest to… in both the idea of someone dying and just falling out with them…

I’m so apprehensive and cautious sometimes. I worry that I worry too much… or too little.

This is a little different from what I originally made this blog about but that’s okay.

Skirting the Issue

I always thought I didn’t have fantasies.  I think I do… they’re just unrealized really.  I’m moreso about the feeling than about imagery.  Focus on how good it feels to be touched in a certain way… bam. Wet. Visualising stuff…. meh…. it’s there but not as intense. However, erotica…. seriously makes me horny.  Must be the descriptions.

Last week I was wearing a fabulous pencil skirt when I was meeting the bf.  And for most of the time I kept thinking how I really wanted him to do some skirt action… how absolutely melted I would be if he stuck his hand up my skirt and then slip into my underwear for some intimate time with the Clit… and basically going on from there.  I really wanted him to fuck me while wearing my skirt. And then later that night, I fantasized about being pressed up against the wall with my skirt over my thighs just fucking like there’s no tomorrow.  And it made me feel grand… mind you that also could’ve been the masturbation doing that… but still.  Fucking with a skirt. I want.

And just to go at really hard.  Not some pansy thrusting… frantic, and passionate.  One of my favourite sex scenes is regular literature is in Atonement when Robbie and Cecilia are in the library. It seems so passionate and perfect… I loved it.  And plus I’ve been watching alot of Mad Men…. garters, pencil skirts, corset like objects.  My favourite lingerie comes from that era really. I need to go shopping….

First Time Fucking!

 V Card was cashed today.  It’s great.  Exactly what I expected but less awkward than I thought it would be… which is always good.

This isn’t the first time I tried… the other few times…. it just hurt too much for me to go all the way.  But today… I made it through.  Such an Olympic feat!  And god… sex is fantastic.  Of course I have no other comparison really…. but for a first time I like to think it went exceptionally well.  I think alot of it has to do with the person you’re with… my bf is a fantastic one.  He was very patient with me… lol.  I was the impatient one.  Which is an interesting dynamic I think.  Mm… so satisfying.  I was totally up to another round… but the more rational side was thinking perhaps Her Vadgesty needs to take a break before another round.  

Anyways. Rambling. Here’s a List of Things I’ve Learned Today (Mainly because I feel the need to really stew over it… in a good way of course):

-There’s no better saying in the world than “Fuck me harder”  Best. Line. Ever.  Said by either party really.

-Never approach it scientifically… I… er tend do that.  I should really just let my hormones do their work.

-I think I would prefer Reverse Cowgirl.  I like being kind of dominant.  Howevs… nothing wrong with being submissive at times.

-I heard this before… but again.. never really experienced.  Different stimulation.. different feeling.  I didn’t orgasm on penetration… but that will come later, with practise methinks.  The feeling was more intense with clit action… but pentration is a deeper feeling… lol which makes sense.

-Angle and lube.  They help really.

-Sex is fun.  I want more.

I’m all sore…. but content in a way different way.  I’ll add more later.